Looking at a 10 year old

Day 48 Sunday

Fortunately it's a bright sunny day as J and I head off to a local school fair with our lucky dip boxes and bags of books to sell. We're trying to raise money for his World Challenge trip next year. We've got the massive bag of books from my sisters and we've created 2 lucky dip boxes from little bits and pieces mostly obtained from her house and some of J's old toys.

It’s not just any old local school, it’s my nieces school, my Sister got us a free stand as she’s on the PTA, another interest which takes her away from cleaning her house.

I really wanted to write about the oldest niece, C. It was the first time I’d seen her away from her little sister and with a friend her own age. She seemed much more mature, talking and acting her age, a 10 year old in her final year of primary school. She reverts to being a 6 year old when she’s around her sister. I’m not a psychologist but I imagine this relates to fighting for the attention of her Mum, who I think at times favours the younger one and wants to keep her as a baby.

It was nice to see C in a different environment, its such a shame that she cant go to Guide camp on her own or any clubs on her own without her Mum going along as a helper.

I worry about both girls not being very independent when they are older. They are both confident girls, who will talk to complete strangers, which is probably due to the various events my sister gets involved in.

Part of me regrets how I let things go when they came to stay. If I’m in that position again, things will be done differently. 

Soft Toy Story

Day 19 Sunday

It's about 12 noon that I head over to my sisters with one mission: reduce the number of soft toys!

She's not made a start with this task or as far as I can see, done anymore clearing in the girls bedroom. I head straight up there and we get started. She's clearly distressed by this activity but I'm surprised how easily she parts with some of the cuddly toys, on the downside it's all the small ones she's giving up while keeping all the big ones! After an hour 2 large bin bags are full of soft toys to go. I put them in my car so she can't change her mind either while I'm there or after I've gone

We sort some clothes & other toys & after a couple of hours I'm done. I don't want to waste anymore of my day here especially as the sun has now come out & it feels like a beautiful day.

When I arrive home G is in the garden sorting the shed out and cutting down ivy around it. The youngest niece is playing with the cat on the lawn. I decide to do some weeding and clear the cracks in the patio. The niece wants to help so I get her a bucket to put the weeds in. After a bit she goes to tell her sister what she doing and they both arrive willing help. I provide them with some gardening gloves (which I acquired from the sisters house previously) and give them a bedding patch to clear. It keeps them occupied for ages.

Then G decides to start a bonfire using the chiminea to get rid of the rubbish in the garden and the girls are fascinated by this. They help collect wood and watch as the fire starts. They even want to eat their dinner outside, something that never happens at their own home. They spend most of the evening outside, playing on the lawn and watching the fire. It feels wonderful to give them this opportunity of just chilling out & relaxing without having to go out somewhere & spend money. My sister always wants to take them out & thinks they need activities 24-7 or things to play with, when actually they need to see normal family things being done: washing, cleaning, gardening and then they want to join in and help

Later when they went to bed, G and I sat by the fire & he put his arm around me as I snuggled into him. It's a lot for him to suddenly take on but he does so willingly. I'm not sure how long either of us can keep this up though.

More books than Amazon

Day 18 Saturday

I've appreciated the help from G and his mum over the previous couple of weeks, but this weekend I decide to do it alone with the sister. We need to tackle the girls’ bedroom and it's going to take some sensitivity, not that I feel I have much at the moment but I'll give it a go.

We sort out the book shelf corner of the room where toys, clothes, drink bottles, sweet rubbish and other 'stuff' is piled high. More books appear, so many books Amazon should be worried about the competition! As we've now cleared a space and actually got to the book shelves I ask the sister to sort ones to keep and ones that can go.

She's making good choices until I come across a book where all the pieces have been pushed out. It's one of those where the pages are cardboard and you take out the clothes pieces to hang on a flat cardboard girl to dress her up. The book has no pieces left and there's no story or anything that goes with it so I think it's for the bin. The sister disagrees and thinks it should be kept as she has the pieces in a folder somewhere. That's great but why do we need the book then? I ask her. She just does! I completely lose it at this point: is this book more important that having your girls return to you?! You can't keep all this crap, they don't miss any of this stuff while they're at my house!

The sister starts crying. I tell her I'm upset too, but things can't go on like this. She wins that battle and keeps the book. She sorts the rest of the books in silence.

I continue there for another few hours, sorting 2 built in cupboards and other toys into boxes, and manage to empty 3 other large plastic boxes. There's quite a few bags of things she has said can be sold or thrown away, so progress is being made, the only thing is we gave nowhere to put things to be sold so for now they must stay in the bedroom.

I tell her to brace herself for tomorrow as I'm coming round to sort soft toys and at least half need to go! I can already see her getting anxious and worried about this prospect, but it must happen. I can't think of a better way to spend my May bank holiday weekend!

Books nicely sorted in the right place