It’s a painful day today. My Dad died 6 years ago, but it
feels like it could be just a few months ago. Our Mum died over 30 years ago
when I was a small child, we have no close family, no grandparents and no aunts
or uncles, it’s just me and my sister now. She is the elder sister but
sometimes it feels like I’m the older, more mature, wiser sister. This wasn’t always
the case of course! My late teens /early twenties were chaos full of drunken
nights and hungover days working. I was 25 when I had my baby boy. With no Dad
on the scene he was ever so close to his Grandad. My nieces were tiny when he
died so they do not remember him as J does.
As I visit my Dad’s grave with G I feel the usual emotions
build up in me. What would my Dad make of this issue with my sister? I’m sure
he would be incredibly disappointed and distressed with the situation. Would he
yell at my sister? Probably not. He was a peaceful unassuming man. He wouldn’t
understand that she has a mental health issue, he always just thought she was
lazy, something I struggle with every day.
My Dad’s grave often brings me peace and comfort, the
feeling of being close to my Dad. I ask him for the strength and courage to get
through this period of unsettlement and for guidance in handling this mess
going forward. I don’t know what to say to my Sister that will have any impact
and make the changes she needs to have a healthy comfortable home for the
children.
I ask my Dad to watch over me and to bring me some
happiness. I’ve been struggling with some issues with G. Why can’t things be
more straight forward?
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